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I AM

I am. Always start from there. Always start form the deepest truth. That’s where meditation and inquiry took me. To this realisation that I already am. To the realisation that prior to my thoughts, my feelings, my sensations, my body, my profession, my name, my nationality, my culture etc. prior to all of that all I am is awareness.
 

And while everything else changes, my emotions, my thoughts, my professions etc., awareness does not, awareness, which is what I really am, is always there, unchanging. There is nothing to do, nothing to prove, nowhere to get to in order to be, in order to feel complete, because I already am, I already am complete. If what I really am is awareness, that means that my mind is an activity of the awareness which I already am. If my mind is an activity of the awareness I am, everything that arises from the mind, thoughts, projections, perceptions, emotions, is consequently merely an activity of the awareness which I already am and NOT who I think I am.

In other words, if I am the screen, the movie or the program, which is shown on the screen, is not the screen itself but just an activity which is shown on the screen in that particular moment and as any program or movie it will eventually ends. It might last a few seconds or minutes or hours, days, months or even years but it will eventually ends. How can that activity which ends be who I am? How can I be that thought or that emotion that will eventually ends? If I am not that thought, if I am not that emotion etc. does it really matter what I am thinking or feeling in a certain moment? Does it really matter what is arising from the mind in the form of thought, projection, expectation, worry etc.?

In the moment I am aware I am not something I have the choice to decide how I want to react to that. I have the ability to decide how I want to respond to that thought or to that emotion. That is where responsibility comes in. Responsibility does not mean anything more than the ability to respond to what is arising in my life, meaning that if I am not the thought that is arising in my awareness, I have the ability to decide what I want to do with that thought, how I want to respond to it. Whether I want to get identified with that thought or not it is ONLY my choice, it is ONLY my responsibility. The action of identifying with a certain thought or that emotion is just a movement of our awareness which can be called ego. Any time I get into this movement I start suffering, does not matter whether it is a good or a bad identification. If the thought or the emotion is defined as a “bad” one, the identification to it will make my suffer till that thought or that emotion is gone. If the thought or the emotion is defined as a “good” one, the identification to it will make me suffer once that thought or that emotion is gone. 

As the mind generates thoughts continuously, and as it does not really matter whether the thought or the emotion is good or bad, the only way to stop suffering is by stopping identifying from it. The good news is that as I mentioned before I have the choice to decide to not identify with any thoughts or any emotions in any moments. This is the ultimate meaning of freedom. And the great reality is that as I am awareness itself, as I am not any thoughts, or any emotions I am inherently already and always free.   

This understanding gives me a complete different perspective of life. It does not really matter what experience I am having in my life, it does not really matter what I am achieving, nor what I am doing, nor what I am feeling or thinking etc. Nothing of these really matters as I already am, consequently I have nothing to prove. By having nothing to prove I have nothing to do to get validated from society as a real and successful man: I have nothing to hold on to, no need to prove I am right in order to “be”, no need to keep improving myself endlessly. Meaning that everything I do it is not coming from a place that something is missing in my life, on the opposite everything I "do" is coming from expressing the awareness I already am via my body and my mind in any form it might be, via manual work, or communicating something or just contemplating. 

So if ultimately awareness is all I am, everything then is ultimately awareness: me, you, her, him but also the space between me and you, it is all coming from the same source, awareness. If this is true, how can you and me be separate? How can we be two different entities?

This is what I learnt from being part of the Awakened Life Project. Which is funny to think of now considering that the reason why I came to this community and joined the project a year ago was to learn how to meditate and doing it regularly in order to have meditation as a daily practice in my morning routine to reduce stress and be more present, as part of my personal development plan of becoming the perfect enlightened man. To then realise there is really nobody to get enlightened, nor perfect himself, or a real persona in the first place.

If you read till here, you are now probably thinking something like either “This is just bullshit” or “How can I also get to this understanding?”.

If you are in the first category, first of all if you get till this point it means that something deep in you resonates with what I wrote. Something in you is curious to get deeper in who you really are. So you are not really thinking of this as just bullshit. So start or keep meditating and inquire for yourself. 

If you are in the second category it means that something deep in you resonates with what I wrote. Something in you is curious to get deeper in who you really are. But perhaps you are still too attached to the idea of "getting" something, of wanting to know, to the idea of wanting to have a secret formula. There is none. So start or keep meditating and inquire yourself.

If you did not think neither of the two, no worries, that’s absolutely ok. This understanding it does not mean I can now read in other people minds, I am still the same as before, no superpowers!

Marco Nilo, Italy

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About the project

The Awakened Life Project is situated in a beautiful and wild ecological reserve in the mountains Central Portugal. We offer volunteer programs, courses, events and retreats to support the liberation of the human spirit in a context of evolutionary emergence and communion with the ecological web of life.

Contacts

Quinta da Mizarela
3305-031 Benfeita
Portugal

info@awakenedlifeproject.org
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